Parinita Shetty: Nuts And Abby’s List Of Things To Remember When You Meet A Monster

Monsters in a box

An expert on Monster Hunters, Parinita Shetty outlines the crucial rules.

Do not wear socks. They’re a monster’s favourite food. The next thing you know, you’ll be barefoot and covered in drool.
Do be polite. Monsters aren’t a bad sort, they’re just misunderstood. Instead of screaming/running/passing out the next time you meet one, just smile, say hi and invite the monster over for tea.
Don’t bother being nice if the monster tries to scare you. Just threaten to lock him up in a bathroom. Monsters aren’t big fans of showers.
If you find a monster under your bed, don’t feel bad for him and invite him to share the top of your bed. Monsters are very comfortable in deep dark spaces. Besides, they always hog the pillows and sheets.
Monsters are notoriously clumsy. Avoid playing cricket with them. Nine times out of ten, they’ll send the bat spinning towards your head instead of the ball. Football is similarly dangerous.
Also avoid standing too close to them. They may accidentally sit on you.
Contrary to what you may have heard, most monsters do not have wings. The few that do cannot make good use of them. So “take over the world with an army of flying monsters” is not a good long-term career goal.
Monsters that live in your house are not your pets and resent any implications that say otherwise.
It’s rude to try and sell a newly-befriended monster to a laboratory or a rogue state.


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