RamG Vallath: Of Thingummyjigs, Thingummybobs and Other Such Powerful Creatures

Our guest blogger is RamG Vallath, speculating on thingummybobs.

I was open mouthed in wonder when Oops, Chuck and Kia told me their story. The only annoying thing was that each time I uttered ‘Oh my gawd!’ or ‘No shit!’ or ‘You are kidding!’, the pain-in-the-backside, Critter would cackle wildly and start rolling around on the ceiling of the spitter, Billennium Falcon’.

You know how Critter is (that is, of course if you have read my poor attempt at reproducing the amazing adventures of Oops the Mighty Gurgle). He is completely wacky and nutty. In fact what I figured is that most gadgets of the future are a bit on the loony side. Who would think Critter is the most advanced controller programs for space ships? And imagine a gadget called Grinder that can help you change your shape into anything you want. But my favourite by far is the Peabrainer – a ray gun, which shrinks the size of the brain to 5% of its original size without losing any functionality, thereby keeping the butt in perfect shape. Butt? And Brain? I can hear the surprised ejaculation from the poor unfortunate souls who have not read Oops the Mighty Gurgle (OMG). Well, the Peabrainer is used by Cerebums of Holibutt planet, since they have brains in their butts and are very figure conscious.

Just proves my point that all futuristic gadgets are wacky and bordering on lunacy.

But while writing OMG, the one thought that kept troubling me was what would happen if we become too dependent on gadgets that are loony.

What if…

The GPS device says stuff like “I said left, you idiot. This is the third time you messed up”. Or “If you keep going straight, you will eventually reach the North Pole”. Or even “Are you really sure you want to meet your in-laws? I can take you instead to any of half dozen night clubs”. It could even be “Left, Left LEFT you moron. My gawd, what a doofus”.

MS Word tells me “That was 5 spelling mistakes in just 1 lousy paragraph. I suggest you take the online spelling course before we continue” Or “Why do you insist on continuing with this pathetic display of miserable spellings. I strongly recommend you to bloody well take the online spelling course”. And “I have had enough of you, you nincompoop. You can continue typing only after you have gone thru the online course –www.spellingmadeeasyforcompleteidiots.com”

Or the car while on cruise tells me “Hey, wont it be nice to claim your insurance sometime?” or simply “Oops”.

After the third unsuccessful attempt at killing the pigs in level 11 of Angry Birds, the birds tell me “Hey stupid, give the phone to someone else. We can’t wait till eternity to dislodge those porcine marauders” or it might be “I boomerang, moron. You are supposed to tap the phone when I have crossed the pig”.

The day is not too far, when these various thingummies declare independence and then go on to rule us. The future, my friends is bleak.

A scenario I dream of in the wee hours of the morning and wake up in a cold sweat is that all these gizmos and gadgets have a mind of their own and those minds are full of darkish humor.

All in all, the mind boggles at the thought of what all these thingummybobs can do to us.

So if you think you know what the future looks like and can invent the perfect thingummybob, join the Oops contest:

Design your own crazy gizmo and mail the design to oops@duckbill,in by 31 December 2012. The best ten entries will be featured on this blog, with photos of the owners. The top entry gets a free seat to the next Youreka summer camp.*

*conditions apply

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